Top 50 Wedding Jokes and One – Liners for Husbands and Wives

Who doesn’t love to crack some wedding jokes in front of their married friends? And specially when the question is about husband wife jokes, then even the couples enjoy cracking them in front of each other. No matter what kind of joke it is, if taken in a light and fun manner, they can make your day.

Marriage is a very long and often bumpy road. If you take this too seriously, you won’t be able to enjoy your life. So while you are traveling this road, why not take out some time for fun and humor, through these awesome husband wife jokes?

Many people tend to take these marriage jokes in a very offensive manner. Most of such jokes are made targeting women. This leads to many women complaining or unhappy. But one thing they need to keep in mind is that no joke is gender specific. If a joke is made on a woman, then the similar joke can be made for a man as well.

But let’s not get all sentimental here. This post is all for fun. Here, i will be sharing some interesting and funny wedding jokes, which I believe everyone of you will love. No matter you are married or not, you would still be able to relate to them.

So let’s get started.

Best Wedding Jokes

  • People keep their eyes fully open before marriage, and half open after that.
  • What is a marriage? It is the victory of imagination over the intelligence.
  • A marriage is an event which makes men realize that they are at fault maximum times.
  • How can you establish dominance in a marriage? When you plug out the phone charger of your partner, and insert your own.
  • One of the fun moments in a marriage is to fight for the car charger. How you prove who deserves it? Show your percentage.
  • When do you say that a marriage has become understanding? When a husband grabs a cart in the store, even when the wife says she just needs 1 thing.
  • The only secret to having a lasting marriage is to know that no one else will handle you and your crappy bullshit in the best way.
  • A marriage has that power to turn a missing spoon into a full fledged war.
  • If you love soda and want to survive in a marriage, pick someone who hates soda.
  • The best feeling in a marriage is when your partner questions you why you are living. “Why are you breathing like that”?
  • There is no guarantee in a marriage. Live with a car battery if you are looking for a guarantee.
  • A marriage is a beautiful bond between 2 people, one who always forgets birthdays and anniversaries, and second who always remembers them.
  • The best marriage is the one that happens between a deaf man and a blind woman.
  • The best way to make your husband remember your marriage anniversary is to get married on his birthday.
  • If you want to keep your marriage going happily, admit when you are wrong, but shut up when you are right.
  • A marriage is termed as success in Hollywood, if it lasts more than the expiry date of milk.
  • What is important for a successful marriage? When you yourself say, “I will do the dishes”.
  • A marriage is the one where one person is always right, and another person is the man.

husband wife jokes

Best Husband Wife Jokes

  • How to get a husband to do something? Tell him you are too old to do it.
  • Men having pierced ear are fully prepared for marriage. Because they have gone through the pain, and even bought jewellery.
  • My wife cooks the same way she dresses – to kill.
  • Me and my husband were happily living for 25 long years. But then, we met and married.
  • Thieves ask either for your money, or your life. But wives demand both from their husbands.
  • A wife said to her husband after a fight, “I was a fool to marry you”. Her husband replies, “But I was too much in love with you then, to notice this”.
  • A man loses his credit card. But he did not report to the authorities. Why? Because the thief was spending much less than what his wife used to spend.
  • What can be the best feeling for a wife? When her husband sleeps on the couch while watching TV, and she gets the complete bed to herself.
  • A wife runs back into a burning house. Why? To do some makeup and set her hair, before the firemen arrive.
  • When I asked my wife to brace up and embrace all her flaws. She said OK, and then she hug me.
  • A husband brags about spending half of the amount on groceries as his wife spends. Later, he starts complaining that they have nothing to eat in the house.
  • I love holding hands of my wife when I go out. If I let it go, my wife will spend a lot on unnecessary shopping.
  • A woman should marry a man who is of same age as of her. As her beauty fades with age, his eyesight will also fade.
  • If you don’t have a husband or wife, who will you blame when your socks go missing?
  • If a husband is bringing flowers for his wife for no reason, then there must be a reason.
  • Marrying a man is similar to getting the most dreamt thing in the shop. But when you bring it home, you realize it doesn’t fit with rest of the things you have.
  • What do you do when a child cries a lot? You hand it over to his mother. I did the same with my husband.

Best One Liners

  • A good wife is the one who has the strength to forgive her husband, when she is wrong.
  • A good revenge is when you let a man steal your wife, and keep her.
  • For a husband, a marriage is the most expensive way to get their laundry done.
  • An effective way to remember the birthday of your beloved wife, is to forget her birthday once.
  • The best way to make your husband lose mind is to keep as many decorative pillows in the house as you can.
  • I am still waiting for my husband to apologize to me, for what he did to me last night, in my dreams.
  • Even though I love my husband, I still make him sleep closest to the door, so that he gets murdered first if anything happens.
  • The best way to reply to the “I love you” of husband, is to accept that you should be loved for you are an amazing miracle.
  • A man opens the car door for his wife only when he is newly married, or has a new car.
  • When I tossed the towel on hotel floor, my wife sent me a text asking to pick that up.
  • Marriage is love, when you find someone you could annoy for the rest of your life.
  • I will marry again because I have become mature enough now, also because I need some more kitchen things.
  • An ideal wife is the one who has an ideal husband.
  • Marriage is just like a walk in the park – The Jurassic Park.
  • Sorry I got late. I was busy arranging things for my husband that were in front of his eyes all the time.

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